Everybody's Got Something, Nelson Mandela Included

While discussing an otherwise perfectly pleasant and wonderful mutual friend, someone said: "If she would only..." (fill in the blank) and I replied: "It's her Something. Everybody's got Something."

Today's Something on display in the world of Social Media is a world view that elevates a complete, unquestioning and limitless loyalty to everything remotely and/or specifically Israeli above ALL other values.

Not just SOME other values, or MOST other values - but ALL other values.

It's some people's Something. Everyone's got Something. This one just hits too close to home.

Nelson Mandela died yesterday, and the general reaction on Facebook was divided into two camps - those who expressed grief, and those who judged the grief of others as wrongful and misinformed.

The latter group brought both images and quotations of Nelson Mandela's support for the PLO and a photo-opp with Yasser Arafat (y'mach s'hmo) as proof-texts for their stance. A summary of the worst of the charges against Nelson Mandela's relationship with terrorists can be found at this link (click on it if you want to read).

I examined the charges and I can't disagree with the documented fact that Nelson Mandela did in fact meet with a number of world leaders who I personally wouldn't invite to my Shabbos table - people like Fidel Castro, Desmond Tutu, Arafat (y"s), and that those same leaders and the propaganda artists whose job it was/is to create symbolic alliances to strengthen their cause didn't hesitate to use Mandela's near-martyr status (deserving as it was) to bolster their own prestige. His presence both enobled and legitimized those who deserved neither nobility nor legitimization. Amongst other harms done - the truly illegitimate co-opting of the word "Apartheid" into the vocabulary of the PLO was a direct result of these associations.

With that being said (and I do believe it needs to be said, and there, I said it!) - Nelson Mandela WAS BIGGER THAN THAT.

Bigger than his political allies, who burned for revenge and hoped he would call for violence upon his release from prison.
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Bigger than those who hated and feared him, knowing when he emerged from prison he might have seized the opportunity to call down the hellfire of genocide upon the White population of an entire Continent, if not beyond.

Bigger than the ideologues who revered him, bigger than the celebrities that fawned over him, bigger than the posturing pundits who editorialized him.

A single man. A single moment in time. 27 years in prison at the hand of a racist oppressor. Millions of followers who, with only a word, would with rocks and knives and guns and their bare hands have torn to bits those whose skin color had dominated and oppressed every aspect of their lives for generations.

Instead ...

Instead of hatred, he chose love.
Instead of violence, he chose peace.
Instead of intragience, he chose dialogue.
Instead of rejection, he chose recondiliation.
Instead of polarization, he chose cooperation.

So, yes, everybody's got SOMETHING. Nelson Mandela's "Something" was a political association with the PLO, the sworn enemy of Israel. But his OTHER "Something" was the fact that he saved MILLIONS OF LIVES WORLD-WIDE, many of them JEWISH, when he emerged from 27 years in prison preaching peace instead of war, looking for cooperation instead of feeding conflict.

IT COULD HAVE GONE THE OTHER WAY. AND IT DIDN'T.

That's why Nelson Mandela's "Something" is, in my humble opinion, distasteful to me both as a Jew and an Israeli, but overlookable because of EVERYTHING ELSE.

Just the way I overlook the "Something" in so many people whom I know and love, because EVERYTHING ELSE tips the scales.

Probably just the way others overlook the "Something" in me as well.

Perhaps even this truth about me that might be uncomfortable: Although I do value complete, unquestioning and limitless loyalty to everything remotely and/or specifically Israeli VERY VERY VERY highly, I don't value it EXCLUSIVELY ABOVE ALL things. There's one thing I value above that - it's MY SOMETHING.

My "Something" is I can't stand to be told what to think by other people, and unless I've come to a conclusion for myself and by myself, I refuse to think (and do) something I don't believe in. It's my whole personal integrity thing - very annoying, but so much a part of who I am it can't be disabled, even when it comes to other things I hold dear, as dear as I hold my own life.

Everybody's got SOMETHING. What's your Something?

Trick or Treat?

Yesterday was Halloween, a holiday I've given little or no thought to for the last 7 years of living in Israel. We don't do Halloween there, we have Purim - l'havdil, not that they're the same thing, but in terms of children (and adults) dressing up in costumes and giving each other gifts of yummy edibles, etc., some experiential parallels can be made.

Every year during the weeks before Purim, the streets of Jerusalem and Tzfat are covered with racks and rows of (re-purposed Halloween) costumes, and I always seem to give myself a silent chuckle as I walk by and laugh inwardly at the children's costume industry that has two markets twice a year - The entire Christianized world (particularly the USA) in November, and Israel (usually around March).

So here I am in California - yes, I've been here an entire WEEK now! - and it's Halloween night. My 13 1/2 month-old fraternal twin grand-sons are, of course, being dressed up for Halloween. Because their mother, my daughter, a Leo with a natural flair for the dramatic, was raised in California, in a home that was not religiously observant, a house that not only participated in Halloween to the uttermost, but highly valued creativity and art - both important components in creating Halloween costumes.
So it would be out of the question in any way, shape or form to expect my grand-sons to be off the grid for Halloween.

With much love and great care, Zachary became Eyore and Eliot became Tigger. We saddled up Bailey the dog (wearing his worn-out grey squirrel doggie Halloween outfit which has frankly seen better days), and put the boys into their little red wagon. We gave them plastic pumpkin bowls (which they continually tried to either drink from or wear on their heads as hats) and we pulled them around the block, while it was still the tail-end of daylight, arrived home, gave them each one piece of candy, threw them in the bathtub and then to nite-nite.

My first-time Savta anticipation of this cute but fairly innocuous evening was attacked on Facebook by several FB Friends as basically one step short of race betrayal. I was told that Halloween was a Pagan holiday (I already know that, and by the way one of my best friends from my years in Long Beach is a Wiccan Priestess, but I digress). I was told that by participating in it in any way I was giving tacit approval, and my participation was a sign of my quick descent into hell because of being disconnected physically from the Land of Israel (for a week, after living there almost 7 years).

If there's anything that will enrage me in this world, it's to be attacked (or even criticized) for anything having to do with my family. In the public life I've created for myself I can be challenged on politics, religion, economics, musical tastes, in fact ANY topic and I don't get crazy - in fact, I enjoy the challenge of a vigorous debate on any topic. But when it comes to my children, all bets are off. My mega-Mama Lion Moon in Leo comes roaring out of her den, ready to rip the throats out of whomever dares to criticize my offspring and their descendents. My Mars in Scorpio starts firing up the Thermal Nuclear Warhead. It's instant WAR.

OK, maybe I over-react. But really, considering the context and history of my life and the story of me and my four children, it's understandable. And it's not only understandable, it's one of my main PTSD triggers.

So it was with great relish that I de-friended two people (the two most abusive, who continued their rants into private messages) and in the aftermath of the whole thing I have to say: Trick, or Treat? Where was the trick here, what was the treat?

THE TRICK is, of course, not getting riled by judgmental, insensitive people. The trick is to demand respect at all times and when respect isn't given, to deliver clear and immediate consequences.

THE TREAT is - I got to walk around the block pulling my grand-sons in a red wagon while they were dressed up as Eyore and Tigger! Gevaldt! That was a treat indeed, one that makes flying 6,000 miles halfway around the world and living in a culture I'm not in the least bit interested in worthwhile for me on an emotional level. And it's the emotional level that I'm here for - so yeah, it was indeed a wonderful treat. 

Will my grand-sons get dressed up for Purim this coming year? I don't know yet! Only if their mother and father allow me to make Purim a part of their lives. I don't know yet if they will, but I do know one thing - there's ZERO CHANCE of being allowed to introduce Jewish holidays to my grandsons if I put my self-righteous, holier-than-thou nose up in the air and boycott their parent's chosen cultural observances, Halloween being the chief one.

From L to R: Carleigh, David and Jesse Kude, Halloween 1987.

I'd like to close with a Halloween memory from 1996. We were living in Long Beach, California and my kids were 15, 13, 11 and 9. I was convinced that Halloween was a Pagan Holiday and that my children didn't need the extra influx of sugar, nor the exposure to "pagan rituals." I declared that we were going to go roller skating at the local roller rink instead of trick-or-treating - a decision that was met with an uproar similar to the cry of an entire village being napalmed. They yelled, they wept, they begged, they threatened, they pouted, they carried on - but I held firm. At the roller rink I was sailing along on my roller skates, when I hit the TINIEST LITTLE METALLIC EYELET from another pair of skates and went FLYING into the air, landing on my arm and BREAKING IT.
Later at the Emergency Room hospital, after I had been X-Rayed, medicated, put into a cast and sent on my way, my 11 year old son David and 9 year old son Cameron looked at me and said very solemnly: "Mom, this happened because you wouldn't let us go trick or treating. You can't win Satan on Halloween."

Words to live by, and I have ever since. "You can't win Satan on Halloween." Just like we do "Mayim Achronim" after eating a meal (Kabbalistically we say it's giving the Sitra Acher (the "Evil Inclination") something to enjoy to distract it from our simcha and kedusha), HALLOWEEN IS TO POPULAR CULTURE WHAT MAYIM ACHRONIM IS TO A SEUDA. 

May the Sitra Acher be satisfied and leave us all alone for five minutes, and may my Facebook Friends who NEED me to be an unwavering poster girl for their vision of Jewish America looks like all de-friend me before I have to de-friend them. And let us all say "Amen."

Blues For Challah Via JetBlue!

I didn't come back to America empty-handed. I wasn't raised in a barn, after all. My mother taught me never to visit anyone's home without bringing a little something. Since I'm visiting the Home of the Free and the Land of the Brave, and I brought Radio Free Nachlaot with me.

So this morning I decided that RFN simply had to participate in the upcoming 3rd Annual Grateful Deadfest "BLUES FOR CHALLAH" at the Isabella Freedman Jewish Retreat Center in December.

BLUES FOR CHALLAH describes itself thus: "Blues for Challah" explores and celebrates the universe inspired and embodied by the Grateful Dead—and makes the connections between that universe and our Jewish tradition and culture.
It's not a stretch—a wandering tribe forever transformed by peak experiences, centering around transcendent music, communal food, and joyous celebration—sounds familiar right?"

 So of course, how could I resist? But then again, how could I get there from California?

The answer came to me in a split second - JetBlue.

Come on, Blues for Challah - Stella Blue - JETBLUE - it all came together in one fantastic promotional moment.

 In no time at all I was on the phone with JetBlue and by the end of the morning they agreed to sponsor my travel in exchange for all the promotional love I can give them on the radio and in my social media spaces for RFN. (This appearance on my blog is what we call a Bonus Cheeseburger in the lingo, l'havdil and forgive the analogy).

Can I just mention that I LOVE JetBlue, and this is 100% the documented truth - when I lived in Long Beach, California from 1995 through 2007, Jet Blue was a big part of our community and played a starring role in all the cross-country travel I did for Charter Media ... but that's another story (like when I flew on JetBlue back from Washington DC where I had won the Beacon Award and the flight crew broke out the champagne ... but I digress, as is my minhag). 

So now that I created this cosmic convergence of Radio Free Nachlaot, Blues for Challah. the Isabella Freedman Jewish Retreat Center and Jet Blue, I feel better.

And how was your day?

Astrologer, Heal Thyself

There was no way to avoid Mercury Retrograde this time. It was as if the airlines, the circumstance, the gravitational pull all conspired to ensure I would be leaving Israel for Berkeley exactly as Mercury entered his Retrograde phase in Scorpio.

If I was my own astrological client, I'd tell myself (me, that is, I mean me as the client) not to hold too tightly on to expectations, and don't be surprised if frequent stops, starts and re-calibrations are made during this period, which really doesn't end until around Chanukah.

So between now and Chanukkah, I'd tell myself as a client, you're going to want to be focusing and adapting, delving deep and gaining understanding of the new world around you (me, that is).

Well, that's all very fine and well. But the bottom line - TACHLIS, as we say in my village, is that everything I start during this time is going to go through so much change there's no use setting anything in stone - especially my expectations.

Because I didn't come to America for the scenery (which is lovely here in Northern California), or the shopping (which is legion), the entertainment options or the abundance of public restrooms. I came to do a big tikkun on my most important personal relationships - my children and family. So what does one do while doing one's tikkun?

Aye, there's the rub, Captain! Expectations should be put aside in favor of the experiential. Scorpio demands the deepest delving, the most brutally honest self-examination, the most profound passions. Mercury - "Mr. Communication" - reviewing the swath of my personal Natal Chart in my 1st House reminds me that I still have the power to define and redefine myself.

So if I was my own client I'd say go outside and take a walk and enjoy the beautiful day. Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, His mercy endures forever. Because there's nothing you're going to do about the Stars today, aside from letting them twinkle in your eyes when you smile.

"But There's No Mechitza!"

Chayei Sarah, my first Shabbat in Berkeley, California -  I had what in retrospect was a poignantly amusing case of shock when realizing that I was davening in a "Modern Orthodox" shul for the first time in my life.

My shul experiences have been limited to Reform Californian shuls while growing up, then starting in 20004 Chabad in America, and in Israel from 2007: Chabad, Chabad-Carelebach, Carlebach, Carlebach-Breslov, Sephardi (Moroccan), Timani (Yeminite), "Stam" Ashkenazi (Chassidic), "Stam" Ashkenazi (Litvish), Yekke, Chik-Chak Sephardi, Syrian Sephardi, and the Great Synagogue (whatever nusach that is).

So there was, in my jet lagged, childishly bewildered and fish-eye lens opinion, "no mechitza" in this Shul, which otherwise conducted itself just like any other Orthodox shul I've ever davened at in terms of the liturgy and service.

I said (in a kind of almost stammering, disconnected way) to several people afterwards how disconcerting that was for me that there was "no metchitza," and I kept being told by perfectly nice, kosher, normal and not crazy people that there was indeed "a mechitza."

Finally came to the understanding that a "mechitza" is not necessarily understood the way I understand it or have experienced it, and that might be one of the manifestations of the word "modern" in "Modern Orthodox."

I felt extremely tense which wasn't because I was in a new place, alone, and didn't know anybody. Usually that's a fun and exciting activity for someone who is hyper-social, curious and friendly such as myself. The tension was because everything about the service was "normal" except that I felt naked. I was too disoriented to figure out a fix and just kept trying to talk myself down (which didn't really work).

Discussing it afterwards with various people reminded me that there are a variety of options and fixes to be applied to make me more comfortable, and I can deal with it next time.

I wouldn't have experienced this tension at all if I had gone to a Reform or Conservative or Renewal shul, because I would have expected and have calibrated my Neshama, so to speak, for the reality of davening in a community without either a mechitza or separate seating for men and women. It was the word "Orthodox" that threw me off, my assumption about what that meant in the phrase "Modern Orthodox" was not accurate (probably because I have never experienced it before).

I realized more than ever how important the feeling of private, sacred feminine space is to me while davening. I've never experienced the mechitza as a way to keep my feminine energy from "infecting" (as someone I know has said) the masculine energy on their side of the mechitza. 100% and from the first time I ever davened behind a mechitza I experienced it as a safe, sacred space of feminine spiritual energy and was grateful such a thing existed. I do love to join my relatives and friends at their shuls, often without a mechitza, but as I said before I calibrate my expectations and Neshama to that environment and it's always for a special occasion, not for my "regular" davening experience.

I can be inclusive and welcoming and non-judgemental better than anyone in the world - but I still know what I like!  I like privacy!!!